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On Conflict.

Conflict is the gift at the tail of a dragon.
conflict at work

On conflict

Conflict is the gift at the tail of a dragon.

This old Chinese proverb is oh so true even though when in conflict it can be very difficult to believe that a gift is part of things!

The gift might be clarity, it might be clearer boundaries, it might be uncovering something, or the need to end something.

Conflict is always an opportunity for learning more about ourselves. More about what it is like to be human.

So we start with ourselves even though our tendency is to focus on what is wrong with the other. On how they did us wrong. The tendency for this focus is so strong we often need the help of others to get us out of it. And we do need to get out of it as a good part of it will be a waste of time. And we are missing the most important element; ourselves. It goes to the old saying that we can’t change anyone else, only ourselves.

In our workshops on the courageous conversation, (conscious explorations might be a better title) it always starts with ‘moi’. We explore what is going on for me.

Here are a few questions that you can use to get started if you are in a conflict:

Ask yourself:

  • Am I triggered? What is the pain about? (not being seen, not acknowledged, not feeling valued, feeling used, not honoured as another little human, powerlessness?)
  • Have I been here before?
  • What is the pattern of this interaction?
  • What is my role in where we are at now?

When you explore these do so with tenderness, loving awareness. Conflict can be a raw pot of emotions cutting to the core of our vulnerabilities.

If you would like to explore further then join our Lifeline session or see me for a one on one session.

With tenderness

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