I hope you have had a good break, that you have enjoyed Christmas and have had a good start to 2022 so far.
I wonder how many changes of plans you experienced during the break and how well you coped with that?
My mother was to spend Christmas with us but the visa did not come through. It still has not after two months. As a family we had all taken time off and planned events like a concert at the Opera House. Not only did she not arrive, but the events were also cancelled. I had organised a get-away for my mother and a girlfriend. My friend got Covid so I tried holidaying alone.
This is no longer a sorry saga but our new normal. I am sure you have experienced similar situations over the past couple of years.
Looking forward to something and planning for it, along with achieving goals, has been a big part of our lives. But it is different now.
It is clear that we will have little control over how this year unfolds, a realisation which brings us to focus on what we can control.
If we cannot rely on our plans eventuating, then we have to enjoy the planning! How we travel matters even while doing the most mundane things.
This year 2022 is about the quality of how we travel, how we live our day-to-day lives, the quality of our experience – and that is all to do with being present.
We have for a long time lived in a culture of ‘more, more, more’ which has led us to an ongoing state of ‘not enough and not good enough’. For too long, we have culturally lived in the grip of achieving, doing, results, efficiency, effectiveness, and reductionistic thinking, to the detriment of appreciation, being, process, presence and ‘not knowing’. This can also be seen as a masculinity dominance over a feminine way of seeing life. Things are out of whack, ideally we have an integration of the two. Our observation of this within ourselves is not personal but nonetheless, we pay a huge price for this way of operating.
We have been chasing, becoming humandoings, believing that once we get this or that or once we get this and that done then … but rarely does ‘then’ come!
We sacrifice the moment for the sake of the promises of future moments that never arrive as we are in the habit of sacrificing so even when it gets to the good bit – the desert, the party, the holiday – we are still operating in the same mode of ‘next, next, next’ and so we miss even the good bits!
I notice how much, even in the small things in life, the idea of being efficient and effective is something that I have to catch out all the time. Whether it is at the supermarket, hanging out the washing, doing my paperwork, setting the table, even picking flowers! I have to continually hold on to my inner horses that want to burst forward in a frenzy of activity to get the job done.
I am often so focussed on the outcome, on getting the job done, that I miss the process, the moments in the doing. I have to bring my attention into union with the present rather than have it flapping around focussed on some future experience.
As she sat by her dying daughter’s bedside, author Carol Major reflected on an earlier period of her life: ‘At that time I didn’t know I was happy’. Margaret Attwood’s heroine, June Osborne, makes the same observation at the beginning of “The Handmaid’s Tale”. When we are chasing, we miss the realisation that perhaps we are contented; the moment is precious and this moment and the next will never return.
In effect, there is a huge opportunity here to see the extraordinary in the ordinary, to align ourselves with the moment rather than sacrificing many moments for the sake of the delusion of ‘the better ones’.
To support you in being more present in 2022 I have created a little program: Kickstart 2022. It is useful to identify the forces that take us away from the moment. The blend of knowing your core motivations (what drives your behaviour on the deepest level), how you tend to operate in conflict, and your most used strengths, along with mindful awareness gives insight and skills to manage the reactive self, the part of us always leaping out of the present!
Kickstart 2022 with CoreStrengths (Relationship Intelligence) & Mindfulness
Map your deeply held motivations, core strengths and how you tend to function in conflict with the most reliable and researched tool on the market today. I am simply dazzled by its accuracy and detailed application.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself exactly as I am, then I can change.” — Carl Rogers
Kickstart 2022 with a deep dive into what motivates you and what gets you stuck. This little supercharged package is about freeing you up for more quality moments, for being more present and observing your human experience with kindness and curiosity.
The Kickstart 2022 package:
- Two coaching sessions (2 hours, face to face or Zoom)
The report will identify: Core motivations, your ongoing approach to conflict and what to do differently, your most used strengths and your least used strengths. The report also includes insight into why you do what you do and how to do things differently as well as how to deal with different people.
- 12 months’ access to the report
Individual cost (includes leadership profile if relevant): $499
For teams contact Charlotte
It all starts with more self-awareness and in all my years of facilitating personal and interpersonal development.
I have never seen a more dazzlingly accurate and detailed tool and debrief than CoreStrengths. It provides tips for communicating with others both in conflict and when things are going well, both for in-person, meetings, general preference, and emails. Core Strengths – used to be called Strength Deployment Inventory – has validity and reliability of 99.9%, took 31 years to develop, is based in Relationship Intelligence and has been updated continuously for the past 60 years.
The quality of our life springs from our relationships. We are relationally suspended. We develop relationally and wither relationally.